The Journey

I have been thinking a bit lately about my life and where I am in this journey. At times a have been very angry, frustrated and confused at the direction my life has taken me and where it has not. Apparently I am a bit more of a control freak than I would like to admit, as I have tried my hardest to go where I thought was best, only to learn I was dead wrong. But I feel I am finally at peace with all of it. So at peace with it that if I am never to get married or have children I will be ok. I realize at reading this some of you may want to say, "Don't worry it will happen" or some such comment. But the reality of it is, we really don't know. I may be blessed with one, both or none of those things. Saying that I will doesn't change anything and really isn't needed. I never know where my journey might take me, but the point is to find joy in where I am. Not lament at what could have been or pine for what may come. I think I have spent too much time over the years doing both. My close friends are aware of the several times relationships have ended quite abruptly and with out any logic leaving me confused. Several of you have probably been more angry than me at times and I love you for that. But in each of those experiences I have learned something new about myself, what I want and so much more. In many cases I discovered the blessings afterward. So maybe there was logic but not the kind we can readily see.

So where am I at in this journey? I am very excited about my studies and where they are taking me. Excited at the possibilities of service even further education would allow. I have so many people who love me and make my day bright. A family that I feel so blessed to be a part of. I get to be aunt to two of the most beautiful and amazing girls in the world. The earth that I live on is so incredibly beautiful. And this should be and is all enough. I'm sure I will still have moments of irritation, but hopefully I will acknowledge them and let them go. I am so aware of my Heavenly Father's love for me and that HE has a very logical plan for all of us. But time is needed to allow it to unfold. I have said this before, but I am so grateful for the times he allows us to struggle, maybe even turn away from him, only to be waiting with open arms.

In the end I want to say that I enjoyed my journey and was aware of all that happened. Not that I was sitting in the corner wishing I could be someone or somewhere else as it all passed me by.

La Fiesta!

Last Saturday Ben and I made the all day (I don't even want to think about the actual hours) track down to Arizona. We were among seriously hundreds of BSU fans that made the drive and it was fun seeing all the cars adorned with flags, signs, windsocks and more. Every gas station you passed was filled with people heading down to the game.

Arizona was so warm and beautiful. Being there reminded me how much I love and miss it. I am seriously contemplating moving back there when I'm all done with school. One of the best parts of going down there was seeing my best friend Matt and finally meet his wife, Adrienne. To be honest I was a little nervous about meeting her, since I am pretty protective of Matty, but as it turns out I love her. Maybe because she reminds me of me :). After we met she even concluded that I must have prepared him for her, because his mom and sisters are too nice to have. Thank you I guess. Anyways, I am so happy that I have actually gained a friend rather than feel like I have lost one.

Ok, back to the game. It was.... AMAZING. Leading up to the game I had told myself, and others, even though I would be wearing orange I would be cheering for TCU. But something happened while I was sleeping Sunday night because I can only think of one other time I have cheered so hard in my life. I think Ben was confused and in aw all at the same time. I myself was a bit confused by my behavior. But it was fun and I was caught up in the excitement. I think I can finally say that the hate for BSU is gone. Which I figured would happen if people left me alone and let it happen on it's own. I might even continue cheering for them....... as long as they are not playing BYU or U of A that is.

On the way back the thrill was gone we had come to do what we wanted to do and we were tired. It was the longest drive ever. We stopped at the Hoover Dam for a minute, which was sweet, but still longest drive ever. We even managed to run out of gas 2 miles outside Wells, NV and Ben had to flag down a ride to get into town. Also as an FYI don't take the GPS to a big city with out updating, who knows where you'll end up we didn't. PS do you all see how long my hair is getting? Grow baby grow!!!


Matty & I at the game
love the Mesa Temple
I had to introduce Ben to the deliciousness that is Sprinkles cupcakes. Mmmm so good!

Christmas

A little late on the post, but oh well. We finally celebrated Christmas on the actual day this year. And as an extra bonus my mom went to my dads too, so I had the most important people to me all under one roof for the holiday, perfect. It was so frigid outside we mostly stayed tucked indoors eating tons of food, playing games, watching movies and laughing together. As wonderful as it was to have Christmas on Christmas it made New Years a little anticlimactic. After opening gifts there were no fireworks, or countdowns. I guess in a effort to celebrate Christmas together every year we've blended the two together.

Grandpa Fred

My Grandpa Fred has passed away. I feel so incredibly blessed to have said my goodbyes in October. We were all expecting it would be soon, but when my dad called this afternoon I knew in his voice my grandpa was gone and felt immediate sadness. Even when you know it's for the best and that it could come at any time it doesn't completely prepare you for that call.

My grandpa was a shy man, tall and firm when he needed to be. He grew up in the fields of Nebraska. He never graduated high school as he preferred the quite fields over the boarding school he would have had to attend since there wasn't one close enough to the farm. Maybe that's where I get my contentment just being by myself with out talking. When my dad was young grandpa sold the farm, packed up his family and moved to California so that his children could have more opportunities. Something I will always be grateful for, admire, and love about him.

He loved wood working and was amazing at it. The cradle he made me means even more now than ever, and I can't wait to one day use it and have my baby be surrounded by his/her great grandpa's love. Although he didn't always say much his smile and eyes said it all. Especially this last time seeing him. You could tell he knew he was saying good bye, which made it that much harder to leave him. I loved listening to his stories when he felt chatty, driving to the farm house he grew up in and getting a malt at the old malt shop. He was a hard worker long after his body had told him no, stubborn, hopefully another trait that rubbed off on me. I could go on and on. But mostly he was a good man and treated everyone with decency and loved my grandma more than words can express. Even after all the decades of time they spent together they were so cute together.

I am so thankful that I know that I will see him again, and not just me, he will one day be reunited with his Jessie.

Bye Grandpa, Love you and can't wait to see you again.


My grandparents with their grandchildren and a few great grandchildren in 2001

My grandparents when I came home from the hospital. Wish I had more pictures, but they are either with my parents or in storage.

Ticket 4 One please

I love going to the movies by myself. For some reason I find sitting in the theater by myself, kid combo in hand of course, very therapeutic. I'm not sure why, but I do. Today I saw Blind Side. LOVED LOVED LOVED IT!! Can't even count how many times I got a little teary eyed. I give it 2 thumbs up. So, if you have never gone to a movie solo I recommend it.

Pumpkin Patch

My parents came to town this weekend and it was so nice to have them here, especially on such a beautiful weekend. The highlight of the weekend was the Pumpkin Patch at Linder Farms. We had such a fun time picking out pumpkins, enjoying the sun and the festivities. We had to end the night at Texas Roadhouse, one of our faves. We got some fun souvenirs from their trip to Hawaii too. I got the funniest socks ever, they say, "Boys are stupid throw rocks at them." So funny and so true ;) can't wait to sport those around town. Another short weekend with family this month and I enjoyed every minute of it. Even the door to door meet salesman. Can't wait for Christmas when we can all be together again.

Nebraska

At the beginning of the month my younger brother, sister and I went to Nebraska for a quick trip. My grandpa Fred broke his pelvis last month and he and my grandma celebrated their 73rd anniversary on the 6th so we decided we should probably go down and say hello. Can you imagine spending 73 years together with the one you love, and they are still very much in love. Grandma stays every night in the hospital so that my grandpa is not alone. He's kind of a shy guy and oh so cute. The last few years he's had a few health issues, but it never stops him. A pelvic break can be a life altering issue for people his age, but he was already walking around when we went to visit. He needs help but the fact that we can do it is amazing. Their love is very inspiring and I love listening to them tell stories of when they were younger.

Before they got married they had moved to Colorado to try and make money to save to actually get married. My grandpa made $25 a month working on a farm and my grandma made $3 per week tending kids. They decided they would never really be able to save a lot and just wanted to get married so they headed back to Nebraska to take out a loan and start farming. They have both been such hard workers all their lives and I love them both so much.

It was also fun just spending time with Dee and Mikie, we don't do stuff like this near enough. I got to see my sister's new house in Fort Collins and Mikie and I had 4 hours of quality time in the airport while Denise enjoyed the Denver Broncos game. There is nothing better than wonderful siblings and I've got three of the best.