The Journey

I have been thinking a bit lately about my life and where I am in this journey. At times a have been very angry, frustrated and confused at the direction my life has taken me and where it has not. Apparently I am a bit more of a control freak than I would like to admit, as I have tried my hardest to go where I thought was best, only to learn I was dead wrong. But I feel I am finally at peace with all of it. So at peace with it that if I am never to get married or have children I will be ok. I realize at reading this some of you may want to say, "Don't worry it will happen" or some such comment. But the reality of it is, we really don't know. I may be blessed with one, both or none of those things. Saying that I will doesn't change anything and really isn't needed. I never know where my journey might take me, but the point is to find joy in where I am. Not lament at what could have been or pine for what may come. I think I have spent too much time over the years doing both. My close friends are aware of the several times relationships have ended quite abruptly and with out any logic leaving me confused. Several of you have probably been more angry than me at times and I love you for that. But in each of those experiences I have learned something new about myself, what I want and so much more. In many cases I discovered the blessings afterward. So maybe there was logic but not the kind we can readily see.

So where am I at in this journey? I am very excited about my studies and where they are taking me. Excited at the possibilities of service even further education would allow. I have so many people who love me and make my day bright. A family that I feel so blessed to be a part of. I get to be aunt to two of the most beautiful and amazing girls in the world. The earth that I live on is so incredibly beautiful. And this should be and is all enough. I'm sure I will still have moments of irritation, but hopefully I will acknowledge them and let them go. I am so aware of my Heavenly Father's love for me and that HE has a very logical plan for all of us. But time is needed to allow it to unfold. I have said this before, but I am so grateful for the times he allows us to struggle, maybe even turn away from him, only to be waiting with open arms.

In the end I want to say that I enjoyed my journey and was aware of all that happened. Not that I was sitting in the corner wishing I could be someone or somewhere else as it all passed me by.