I have been thinking a bit lately about my life and where I am in this journey. At times a have been very angry, frustrated and confused at the direction my life has taken me and where it has not. Apparently I am a bit more of a control freak than I would like to admit, as I have tried my hardest to go where I thought was best, only to learn I was dead wrong. But I feel I am finally at peace with all of it. So at peace with it that if I am never to get married or have children I will be ok. I realize at reading this some of you may want to say, "Don't worry it will happen" or some such comment. But the reality of it is, we really don't know. I may be blessed with one, both or none of those things. Saying that I will doesn't change anything and really isn't needed. I never know where my journey might take me, but the point is to find joy in where I am. Not lament at what could have been or pine for what may come. I think I have spent too much time over the years doing both. My close friends are aware of the several times relationships have ended quite abruptly and with out any logic leaving me confused. Several of you have probably been more angry than me at times and I love you for that. But in each of those experiences I have learned something new about myself, what I want and so much more. In many cases I discovered the blessings afterward. So maybe there was logic but not the kind we can readily see.
So where am I at in this journey? I am very excited about my studies and where they are taking me. Excited at the possibilities of service even further education would allow. I have so many people who love me and make my day bright. A family that I feel so blessed to be a part of. I get to be aunt to two of the most beautiful and amazing girls in the world. The earth that I live on is so incredibly beautiful. And this should be and is all enough. I'm sure I will still have moments of irritation, but hopefully I will acknowledge them and let them go. I am so aware of my Heavenly Father's love for me and that HE has a very logical plan for all of us. But time is needed to allow it to unfold. I have said this before, but I am so grateful for the times he allows us to struggle, maybe even turn away from him, only to be waiting with open arms.
In the end I want to say that I enjoyed my journey and was aware of all that happened. Not that I was sitting in the corner wishing I could be someone or somewhere else as it all passed me by.
January 24, 2010
January 10, 2010
La Fiesta!
Last Saturday Ben and I made the all day (I don't even want to think about the actual hours) track down to Arizona. We were among seriously hundreds of BSU fans that made the drive and it was fun seeing all the cars adorned with flags, signs, windsocks and more. Every gas station you passed was filled with people heading down to the game.
Arizona was so warm and beautiful. Being there reminded me how much I love and miss it. I am seriously contemplating moving back there when I'm all done with school. One of the best parts of going down there was seeing my best friend Matt and finally meet his wife, Adrienne. To be honest I was a little nervous about meeting her, since I am pretty protective of Matty, but as it turns out I love her. Maybe because she reminds me of me :). After we met she even concluded that I must have prepared him for her, because his mom and sisters are too nice to have. Thank you I guess. Anyways, I am so happy that I have actually gained a friend rather than feel like I have lost one.
Ok, back to the game. It was.... AMAZING. Leading up to the game I had told myself, and others, even though I would be wearing orange I would be cheering for TCU. But something happened while I was sleeping Sunday night because I can only think of one other time I have cheered so hard in my life. I think Ben was confused and in aw all at the same time. I myself was a bit confused by my behavior. But it was fun and I was caught up in the excitement. I think I can finally say that the hate for BSU is gone. Which I figured would happen if people left me alone and let it happen on it's own. I might even continue cheering for them....... as long as they are not playing BYU or U of A that is.
On the way back the thrill was gone we had come to do what we wanted to do and we were tired. It was the longest drive ever. We stopped at the Hoover Dam for a minute, which was sweet, but still longest drive ever. We even managed to run out of gas 2 miles outside Wells, NV and Ben had to flag down a ride to get into town. Also as an FYI don't take the GPS to a big city with out updating, who knows where you'll end up we didn't. PS do you all see how long my hair is getting? Grow baby grow!!!
Christmas
A little late on the post, but oh well. We finally celebrated Christmas on the actual day this year. And as an extra bonus my mom went to my dads too, so I had the most important people to me all under one roof for the holiday, perfect. It was so frigid outside we mostly stayed tucked indoors eating tons of food, playing games, watching movies and laughing together. As wonderful as it was to have Christmas on Christmas it made New Years a little anticlimactic. After opening gifts there were no fireworks, or countdowns. I guess in a effort to celebrate Christmas together every year we've blended the two together.
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